Judging by store displays, the holiday shopping season has already started. What are some tips to cope with frazzled clerks, customers and others?
Holiday items started lining the shelves earlier than ever, so it probably won’t be long before the shopping pace picks up. Black Friday and Cyber Monday will be here before you know it. Even customer service representatives, whom you would expect to be courteous, can be surly.
So, what are some tips for defusing conflict, when people can even bicker over a preferred parking spot? Psychologist Dr. Barbara Markway, regular writer for Psychology Today, has shared “Twenty Expert Tactics for Dealing with Difficult People,” to help us keep calm and carry on, in the finest British tradition.
Quoting from the article, here is her expert advice:
• “ Listen— While you’re listening, really focus on what the other person is saying, not what you want to say next.
• Stay calm—When a situation is emotionally charged, it’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment.
• Don’t judge—You don’t know what the other person is going through.
• Reflect respect and dignity toward the other person—Showing contempt will not help productively resolve the situation.
• Don’t demand compliance—Ask the person what they are upset about and allow them to vent.
• Avoid smiling, as this may look like you are mocking the person— Similarly, humor can sometimes lighten the mood, but more often than not, it’s risky and it may backfire.
• Don’t act defensively— This is not about you. Don’t take it personally.
• Don’t return anger with anger—Raising your voice, pointing your finger, or speaking disrespectfully to the other person will add fuel to an already heated situation.
• Don’t try to talk over the person.
• Don’t argue or try to convince the other person of anything.
• Keep extra space between you and the other person— Avoid touch, as it might be misinterpreted.
• Saying, ‘I’m sorry,’ or, ‘I’m going to try to fix this,’ can go a long way toward defusing many situations.
• Set limits and boundaries— You also have the right to be assertive.
• Trust your instincts —Look for an exit strategy.
• Debrief— After the situation is over, talk to someone about what happened.
• Discharge your own stress.
• Give yourself credit for getting through an uncomfortable situation. It takes a lot of energy not to act like a jerk when someone else is behaving badly.”
Above all, “Keep calm and carry on,” as typified by the dignified demeanor of Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess of Grantham, in the British television drama series, “Downton Abbey.” The phrase was used to raise morale in a motivational poster produced by the British government during wartime.
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