A Place for Everything

 

When I was living out in California, I was friends with a couple who were a little older than me. Whenever I would go to their home, I noticed they had eye glasses all over the house. Since neither one of them wore glasses, I found that curious so I asked my friend about it.

“Oh those are our reading glasses,” she told me. “We have them everywhere in the house where we might be reading. I get a bunch from the Dollar Store and all different strengths. You’ll see what I mean in a few years.”

At the time I thought she was kidding but she wasn’t. One fine day as I was in a drug store and trying to read the ingredients in some lotion or cream I was thinking about buying, I noticed I was having trouble reading that small, small print. My sun glasses were prescription but they were for distance so they were no help. I warily went to the “readers” rack in the store and took the jar with me. Once I put on a pair of those reading glasses, I could read the ingredients perfectly.

And so began the bifocal stage of my life.

These days, in our house, just as my girlfriend predicted…there are reading glasses everywhere. And following in her footsteps, I too go to the Dollar Store and buy a bag full every year. There are glasses in every spot I might need to read something, a pair beside every chair, both couches, near every television since I need them now to see the controls and of course, in every bathroom. If I could figure out how to use them in the shower, I’d have a pair there too as sometimes it can be a teeny bit hard to tell the shampoo from the conditioner if the print isn’t really big.

With so many pairs scattered all over the house, it’s really important that each pair stays in its rightful spot. That, coupled with my OCD tendencies, can cause quite an uproar if a pair gets misplaced. My husband, Marty, recently had cataract surgery so his eyes are practically restored to his teenaged years these days. With his renewed vision, he seems to have lost his empathy for my plight. He doesn’t understand why it’s necessary to have a certain pair of glasses for each spot where I might sit and read. The other day, I misplaced my porch glasses and I was in a bit of a dither about it.

“Marty have you seen my porch glasses?” I was searching the kitchen.

“No but here’s a pair right here if you need them,” he replied helpfully handing me my kitchen glasses.

“That’s not them! My porch glasses are pink. My kitchen glasses are pink and black,” I explained.

“What DIFFERENCE does it make Julia? Glasses are glasses. If you need a pair, here’s a pair!”

“But they aren’t the RIGHT pair Marty. I need my KITCHEN glasses to stay in the KITCHEN. I’m looking for my PORCH glasses. They are ‘hot’ pink.”

“There’s a pink pair in that cupboard on the end…are those the ones?” Poor Marty was trying so hard to help me.

“Noooo Marty… those are LIGHT pink. My porch glasses are HOT pink. They have to be around here somewhere.”

“I don’t see why you can’t just use any pair of glasses until you find the ones you’re looking for,” Marty was getting exasperated with me.

“Becauuuuussse Marty…if I take my KITCHEN glasses out to the porch, then I’ll be missing my kitchen AND my porch glasses. You can’t just go all willy-nilly with these things. There’s a place for everything and everything should be in its place.” How could he not get this?

As it turned out, I found my porch glasses upstairs in my bathroom. I had taken them off to wash my face and forgotten to bring them back to the porch. Once I found them, all my glasses were once again in their rightful places and all was right with my little OCD world.

That night, as we were getting in bed, our dog Charlie jumped up between us. He looked at me hopefully because our little “night-night” ritual was the cats and Charlie all get into bed with us and I pass out their bedtime snacks. On that particular night, Marty had brought up a bag of dog treats Charlie had refused to eat earlier.

“You know, he doesn’t like those Marty. I tried to get him to eat them earlier tonight and he just turned his nose up at them.” I was busily organizing the snacks for the cats and the ones I knew Charlie would eat.

“Sure he will Julia… watch!” Marty sprinkled the snacks over the ones I had given Charlie on a napkin and he began to gobble them up.

I was stunned.

“Well…how strange,” I muttered half to myself. “He wouldn’t touch them when I tried to get him to eat them!”

“Where did you try to feed them to him,” Marty asked with a gleam in his eye.

“On the porch after dinner…he just sniffed at them and now he…well he seems to loves them.”

“Well that explains it Julia,” Marty was chuckling. “These are his BEDTIME snacks and you tried to give them to him on the PORCH. He can’t possibly eat his bedtime snacks on the porch…that would mess EVERYTHING up!”

Life with Marty… such a funny guy. It’s like living with Johnny Carson.

I’m just saying…