Columbia Star

1963        Celebrating 60 Years      2023

Starke Reality

I’m just saying...



 

 

My husband, Marty, and I were reminiscing about some of our past trips as we were eating dinner the other night. It feels like we may never get out of the house EVER again as long as The Insanity prevails so I guess the next best thing would be to remember the trips we’ve already taken.

For some reason, we started talking about a road trip to Florida we took a few years after we were married. We were visiting several friends along the way so driving made the most sense. The plan was we’d head to Lakeland to see our friends there, then go further south to meet up with a boat captain buddy of Marty’s and he’d take us to the Keys by yacht. I had never been on a “yacht” so I was very excited about that part of the trip. All in all, it was an excellent plan but of course, as the saying goes, if you want to make God laugh, make a plan.

We were three hours late getting on the road but we made good time. As the sun began to set, we were in a little town called Starke. We were tired of driving and hungry and just ready to get out of the car. Starke appeared to be as good a town as any so we decided we’d spend the night there and get an early start the next morning.

As we were driving down what appeared to be the “main drag,” we noticed two hotels up ahead. One advertised a continental breakfast and one said they had a bar and a restaurant on the premises. It was no contest…we were ready to eat and a nice glass of chilled wine sounded like “just the thing” to me.

Marty went in and arranged the room for us but when he came out he was a little dismayed. Apparently the only rooms available were on the third floor and the elevator was broken.

That should have been our first clue.

But we persevered and unpacked our luggage and dragged it up the three flights of stairs to our room. By that time, we were definitely hungry and mighty thirsty so we just dropped everything off and headed for the restaurant.

The “restaurant” turned out to be a bar with pool tables and a few tabletops and chairs scattered around the billiard tables. There was only a handful of people in the room and the bartender was also the waitress. We sat down at the bar and ordered our drinks and asked for a menu.

She was a very friendly lady and told us all about her town. Starke was a “prison town” she told us. The Florida State Prison was just on the outskirts and our new BFF told us “just about everyone in town” was affiliated with the prison in some way. And when the families of the prisoners came to town for visitation days, they stayed “right here” she told us, beaming with pride.

Swell, I thought to myself. What could possibly go wrong?

I was cautiously perusing the menu and a chicken dish caught my eye. Marty predictably ordered his regular order… a cheeseburger with fries. I ordered the chicken.

“We’re out of the chicken Hun…you want to try a cheeseburger too?” Our new friend asked.

“No…I think I want something lighter…how about that cobb salad?” It wasn’t my first choice but it looked good in the picture.

“Oh darlin’, we ran outta lettuce at lunch. You SURE you don’t wanna try that cheeseburger?”

“Why don’t you just tell me what you DO have and I’ll choose from that,” I told the bartender. I was getting hungrier by the minute and was eyeing the olives and orange slices in the garnish tray.

“Well Sweetie, we just had us a big ole’ lunch crowd and they just ate us outta everything! Why don’t you try that cheeseburger?”

Since it appeared to be my only option, I reluctantly ordered the cheeseburger. The bartender must have felt my disappointment because she wanted to “make it up to us” by “buying” us her “specialty drink”…a lemon drop.

The night progressed and the bartender was right…those burgers were tasty! We even shot a game or two of pool and those lemon drops went down way too fast. When we decided to turn in and got back to the room, I began to notice a few things I had overlooked in my haste to get some food and adult beverages.

The place was FILTHY. The carpet was stained, the towels were dingy and the counters and furniture all had cigarette burns in them.

I couldn’t help but wonder about the people who had stayed in this room before us. What had “their” prisoner done to wind up in a penitentiary? The more I let my imagination go, the more frightened I became.

I wanted to leave. RIGHT THEN! But of course we couldn’t. It was too late and there was the matter of those lemon drops. But there was no amount of ANY liquor that would make that room look good.

I warily peeled back the bedspread and when nothing crawled out, I gingerly lay fully clothed on the bed. I tried to make myself as small as possible and the next morning we got out of there as fast as we could. Morning light did NOTHING to improve that room!

When we got to our next stop, our friends had booked us into a five-star hotel. I was elated. Once the bell hop got our bags to our room, I made a mad dash for that glorious shower. It was huge and even had a bench. I stayed in that hot water so long my skin puckered. I hand washed every garment that touched anything in Starke and said more than a few prayers that we didn’t catch anything fatal.

As Marty and I talked and laughed about that little adventure, he reached across the table, took my hand and said, “No matter what, Baby…we’ll always have Starke.”

And so we shall. Another time I’ll tell you about the “yacht.” It made that hotel room look grand.

I’m just saying…

One response to “Starke Reality”

  1. Judy Williamson says:

    Sense of humor comes in handy!

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