Seventeen years ago, shortly after moving to South Carolina from New York, I met Laney Cohen. Her hugs are unforgettable— warm, sincere, and legendary. A few months later, I met her husband, Keven, a conservative talk show host. Laney, by contrast, is a liberal Democrat.
What fascinated me wasn’t just their differences—it was how they thrived because of them.
Years later, as a couples’ therapist, I often thought of the Cohens while counseling politically divided couples. Their relationship is a reminder that mutual respect, empathy, and commitment can outweigh ideological rifts.
Keven grew up in a blue-collar Detroit household that leaned Democrat. But after the economic collapse of the ’80s, his family moved to Florida—where Keven discovered Ronald Reagan. Though his politics shifted, he carried forward a family legacy of civil debate. His Jewish grandfather Albert, a staunch union man, always thanked Keven for their arguments. “You’ve done a mitzvah,” he’d say. His grandfather’s appreciation for respectful dialogue and his willingness to debate someone with whom he disagreed, stuck with Keven ever since and shaped his approach to future political discourse.
Laney, meanwhile, was raised in Columbia, S.C., surrounded by progressive values. Her Jewish socialist grandfather once ran a textile mill in Marion. Her parents were both hippies; her mother worked in underprivileged schools and brought Laney along to Head Start programs. That early exposure led Laney to become a social worker.
Keven and Laney met through a mutual friend. Their early relationship was all emails—months of thoughtful, humorous back-and-forth. When Keven finally asked for a picture, Laney mailed one of just her chin. He was hooked on her humor and personality.
Politics, naturally, came up. Keven once said, “That’s so gay,” in conversation. Instead of snapping back in anger—she debated him. “I wasn’t offended,” she says. “I was ready to discuss it.” That ability to challenge without hostility became a cornerstone of their relationship.
They built a marriage not by avoiding their differences—but by leaning into respectful disagreement. “We love through them,” Keven says.
When politics feels personal—like when funding for programs Laney relies on is threatened—Keven responds not like a host, but like a husband. “This isn’t time to debate,” he says. “This is time to be there for my wife.”
Still, they challenge each other’s echo chambers. “Listening is the key,” Keven says. “You don’t have to agree—you just have to care.”
This mindset extends to their kids, their community, and even their favorite shows. On election nights, they don’t watch debates together—they wait and talk after emotions settle.
So how do we hold onto love in divisive times? The Cohens show us: stay in the conversation. Disagree with empathy. And never stop listening.
Devorah Marrus works as a couples, marriage, and family therapist in Columbia S.C. She is co-director of Chabad programming, a mother of six, and wife. She loves reading, nature, travelling, and having deep discussions with people.
Loading Comments