The holidays are approaching and this can be a tough time for those of us who have lost loved ones. Do not be afraid to cry, even if it’s not something you usually do. Realize there is no right or wrong way to feel pain or to express it. What is important is to be patient with yourself, recognize the pain, grieve, and seek grief support. Some normal feelings following a loss are shock, numbness, feeling alone, confusion, guilt, blame, anger, sadness, physical pain, anxiety, fear, feeling “crazy,” and more. Grief is an uncomfortable topic, and sometimes people find themselves saying and doing the wrong things when it comes to being there for a grieving family member, friend, co-worker, or associate. It is very important to be there for the bereaved. This is a selfless act, meaning it is not about you and it is all about them. This is not the time for you to give your unwanted advice or be judgmental. This is the time for you to listen and comfort the grieving individual. Your support and caring presence will help him or her cope with the pain and begin to heal. If you knew the deceased person well, talking about him or her is very helpful. It gives the grieving person permission to talk about his or her loved one.
It is very important to continue to be there and support the grieving person after the funeral. Most people stop visiting and sending their condolences after the funeral, but the grieving person is still brokenhearted. Refrain from saying things like, “I understand” or “Time heals all wounds.” You don’t understand what a person is going through, especially if you have never lost someone near and dear to your heart. Even if you have, you still don’t have the right to say you understand. When it comes to a loss, time does not heal. Grieving properly and having support will help heal a grieving heart.
If the grieving individual doesn’t want to share, respect his or her wishes. Be considerate and only offer your support and condolences. Saying things like, “The deceased person is in a better place and no longer suffering” doesn’t make it easier on the grieving person/ family. The best thing to do is offer your condolences. Stay away from judgement statements such as “You should” or “If it was me I would.”
Stop putting timers on a person’s grief. People differ from person to person when it comes to grief. Again, time does not heal a person from grieving, grieving properly does. There are so many people walking around hurting and suffering from the loss of their loved one. Some people have no idea how to grieve. We live in a society where crying and sharing your feelings is a sign of weakness. There is no set timetable for grieving. Don’t make the bereaved feel like they’ve been grieving too long. This can actually slow the healing process. Instead, stay in touch, occasionally checking in, dropping by, or sending letters or cards.
Last thing, offer extra support on special days like holidays, family milestones, birthdays, and anniversaries. The days often reawaken grief and can be extremely hard for your grieving person.
Let them know you’re there for whatever they need.
If you need a speaker, grief workshop speaker, and one-on-one grief sessions or want to sponsor a family or make a taxdeductible donation, contact Kimberly Richardson at 803-238-5301 or widowsofopportuniy.com.
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