Remember the movie “Steel Magnolias?” It was a smorgasbord of amazing actors, and they all did a fabulous job creating characters we will remember forever. I think my favorite was Ouiser, the cranky woman of a “certain age” played by Shirley MacLaine who complained about everything and found everyone lacking in her estimation. She delivered her famous line, “I’m not crazy…I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 40 years!”
I think I might be becoming that person.
I don’t mean to be and I try to be a nice person but HONESTLY! Sometimes it’s just near impossible to not let my frustration in today’s world show. All these robotics and the lack of human contact… well it’s just sad to me. Like our Ouiser, I feel like the world just might be going to hell in a hand basket!
For example, the other day I was making a string of business calls. We got this one bill for several hundred dollars, and it was marked “past due” in big red letters. This nastygram was the first time I had seen this account or was told any money was due.
So I called the company to clear it up and pay the bill if indeed we owed them.
I was put on hold—By a recording.
Every 20-30 seconds the mechanical voice thanked me for my business and assured me the company appreciated my patronage and that someone (hopefully a human) would be with me in mere seconds.
When this happens, I like to begin what I call encouragement. I’m not sure if they really DO use the recorded calls as a teaching exercise as they claim to, but if they do… they get an earful from me. I answer the recordings and I do it with sarcasm, scorn, and disdain.
Also I cuss. A LOT. But only to the recording. When and if the human comes on the line, I usually do make my displeasure of being put on hold known but in my best Christian manner. I almost never swear at the hapless people on the line. It’s not their fault they work for a company that relies on automation instead of human-to-human contact.
My husband, Marty, walked in on me that day as I was “coaching” the recorded voice. I was pacing around our kitchen at full speed and yelling back at the recording, thinking Marty was outside.
“Thank you for your patience,” the Voice chirped.
“Oh don’t you thank me, you jerk! Don’t you act like I have a choice,” I snarled.
“We care about you and appreciate your business,” the Voice replied.
“Like HELL you do, you idiot! If you appreciated my business, you’d HIRE MORE PEOPLE,” I roared back.
This went on for a couple of minutes before I saw Marty standing in the door with his arms crossed across his chest.
I stopped pacing abruptly.
“Oh hi, sweetie… umm…have you been here long? I didn’t see you.”
“I guess you didn’t see OR hear me, Julia…” he was smirking. “Having any luck with the recording you’re arguing with?”
“No, I am NOT having any luck and it’s beginning to chap my chips!” There was no need to try to act like I was ok…after over 20 years of marriage, he knew me too well.
As I kept pacing and cussing and working myself into a full blown snit, Marty just shook his head, chuckled to himself, and walked out of the room.
Intellectually I do know yelling at an inanimate voice will not bring the results I want, but I secretly hope someone somewhere might actually listen to those recordings and maybe, just maybe…he might at least toy with the idea of letting humans answer their phones…and hopefully not call the authorities to come to my home.
That particular call took almost 15 minutes and 12 of those minutes were on hold. Once the human came on the line, we figured out the company had emailed me the bill at my old email that no longer exists, and in three minutes she took my payment over the phone and waived any late charges that may have accrued.
But computers are fantastic time savers and ever so efficient, right?
No wonder Ouiser was in such a bad mood for so long!
I’m just saying…
Loading Comments