Columbia Star

Come out, come out, wherever you are



For more than ten years, New England cops and feds have looked everywhere for a mobster named James “Whitey” Bulger, who is an ex-South Boston crime boss. The fugitive is wanted in connection with 19 murders. Cops, including Interpol, the international police organization, are looking for Whitey in the US, Canada, the Caribbean, Asia, and Australia.

Now, in Dorchester, a neighborhood in Boston, local police officer Mike Keaney suggests looking in a place investigators have probably overlooked – Osama bin Laden’s secret cave in the Middle East.

In a satirical introduction to his January cop column in the weekly Dorchester Reporter, Officer Keaney of District C-11, provides readers with some fugitive-from-justice food for thought:

“Now ask yourself this,” writes Officer Keaney, 44. “Has anyone ever seen Whitey Bulger and Osama bin Laden in the same room together? Think back to the time when Whitey first went on the lam. Then, shortly thereafter, America started having all kinds of trouble with Osama bin Laden and his henchmen we all know as Al Qaeda.”

“Do you think it’s just a mere coincidence we can’t find either Whitey or bin Laden at all? Could they be one and the same person?”

Then, Keaney adds: “I’ll bet you anything that if our armed forces searched all the Irish pubs in Afghanistan, there would be a very good chance they’d find Whitey bin Laden playing a game of darts – in disguise.”

In an interview with a reporter from the Boston Globe , Keaney said he likes to flavor his portrayal of police work with some humor. And, though he grew up on the same “Southie turf” as Whitey, Keaney doesn’t seem bothered that Bulger might get wind of this comparison and take offense.

“If Whitey gets offended by what I say,” Keaney cracks, “he can call me on my cell phone. I’ll be more than happy to discuss it with him over a beer down at Clancy’s Irish Pub. The same goes for Osama.”

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