Columbia Star

1963        Celebrating 60 Years      2023

A Wrinkle in Time

I’m just saying...



Happy New Year everyone! I hope this year brings all good things to us all. It’s the time when many of us want to refresh ourselves, and as always there’s that “new year, new me” attitude, which always fills the gyms and churches for a few weeks. We decide to lose weight, get fit, eat healthier, become more active, or get in touch with our spiritual side…oh the list is endless!

I used to buy into it, and every January 1, I’d diligently sit down and fill out my new day planner with birthdays and special events and make plans to do amazing things every New Year but not anymore. Nope. I’ve decided I’m at the age where I am pretty much what I am, and that’s got to be enough.

I’ve been dieting and exercising my whole life, and I’m just tired of it. As long as my body is relatively healthy and not grotesquely overweight, I think this is the year I’m going to accept it, love it, and cherish it. I’m going to be grateful I can get out of bed each morning, walk around, see the world, hear the birds, and smell the flowers. I’m never going to be a size two no matter what I do, so my new goal is to just maintain as I am.

When I said this to my husband, Marty, I expected him to tell me how wise I was finally being and to pat me on the back for this newfound wisdom. I figured he, of all people, would be supportive of my “mature” thinking, and if nothing else, he’d be grateful I wouldn’t be doing any of the crazy things I’ve started in January’s past. After all…when I went on one of my crazy diets, he too went on them. I figured relief would be his reaction, and he’d be grateful he wouldn’t be eating lettuce for dinner for a month.

But he just laughed.

He laughed.

“What’s so funny, Marty? I thought you’d be thrilled I’m learning to accept myself as I am!”

“Oh, I’m thrilled alright, Julia…thrilled to the bone actually. But this is one of those ‘I’ll believe it when I see it’ things. Are you telling me I won’t be eating that god-awful watery soup for a week? And what diet was it that you only ate bananas?”

“YES, Marty…that’s exactly what I’m telling you! No more insanity about my weight! I’m going to just love myself and my body. I mean I’ll still be doing the yoga and going to the gym, but that’s just maintenance… no more crash dieting for me!”

“Really? That’s great… I still can’t look at a banana without being a little nervous! But what about all of the anti-aging junk you buy? Are you giving that up, too? Or how about those stupid ‘purging’ things you made us try? No more sleeping with a Kotex on my feet?”

“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Marty! They weren’t KOTEX! They were pads that drew all the bad stuff out of your body! It was a cleansing! And it worked. You saw how those foot pads changed colors overnight. That color change was all the impurities leaving the body.”

He was referring to something I saw online that guaranteed you would feel better in just a few days because when you slept in these white foot pads they turned a dark, dark green overnight as they pulled “the sickness” out.

“Julia…they changed colors if you just opened the packet! The air made them change colors…they weren’t doing ANYTHING to help the body. The only thing those idiotic things did was pad the pockets of the people selling them!”

“I don’t expect you to understand, Marty…it was an ancient Asian detox that has been used for CENTURIES! You should have read the reviews! They were brilliant!”

“Well, Julia…if I want to sell you something, then I’m not going to tell you about the BAD reviews am I?”

He did have a point there.

“I take it that in this new ‘acceptance of what is’ attitude you won’t be buying every single wrinkle cream or youth dew or whatever you see online that promises to make you look younger either now?”

“Oh…well probably not…but sometimes they do have some pretty good products. A lady has to try to look her best, don’t you think? After all…I do it for you. I just want you to be proud of me.”

“I could be proud of you anytime, Julia, but your bathroom cabinets look like a fire sale of online creams and lotions. You have more products than Bath and Body Works, and you never even finish one before you buy another one! And you’re already beautiful to me. You don’t need to be putting that gunk on your face for me. I love you as you are.”

“Oooh, that’s so sweet, Marty. I love you, too.” I hugged him and gave him a kiss, and the conversation was over.

I just have to keep an eye on the front porch for the next few days now. He’s not going to like it when he sees I bought that ultra-violent light mask that guarantees to take five years off your face after just one week. I may be accepting myself as I am but I will NOT “go gentle into that good night.” Dylan Thomas was right… I will DEFINITELY “rage, RAGE against the dying of the light.” Even if I have to do it with ultra-violent light!

And to paraphrase Yogi Bear, What Marty doesn’t know…!

I’m just saying….

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