2017-05-19 / Society

How does a mature single woman find a man?

By Tammy Davis

Tammy Davis Tammy Davis The big question all my single friends get is, “Why are you ladies looking for men online?” They seem to think there is a better way. Here are our options:


For me, that’s just a no. Not my thing.


Again, for me, that’s just a no. I need church to be church, and it just seems wrong. I’m happy for other people who make connections through church, but that doesn’t seem to be right for me. That’s what I do with my daughter on Sunday morning and Wednesday nights. No mixing church and mate for me.

I have lots of friends who have met men through divorce recovery groups, but the thought of sitting in a room and sharing stories of awful marriages does not appeal to me. I want someone who has put the past in the past and is looking forward to the future.

The gym?

My circuit training classes are all female, and I think that might be best. A sports bra, a bare face, and hair in headband and ponytail may not be my best look. Plus, exercise is my time to clear my head and stop thinking about my single life.

Exercise is my time to just be in the moment. I don’t want to lose that little bit of escape. Plus, if things go sour and things don’t pan out, who gets to keep the exercise schedule? No, I’m not willing to mess with that.

I have had one idea in this category of fitness that I think is genius. I want a cut of the proceeds if anyone decides to implement this plan.

There are lots of local races in Columbia – 5K’s and 10K’s and marathons and halves. We need to figure out a way to bring the single runner/walkers together. There are always lots of singles at these local races, but we need more than the whole ring/no ring signal. Most participants are relatively fit. And, as an added bonus, you get to see their legs right off the bat.

What if somehow during the sign up, you could make some sort of special notation on the bib? A big star if you are single and interested in meeting other singles is all you need. A star on the right side means you are single and straight. A star on the left side means you are single and gay.

They already have your age category, so you could be color coded. My friends all agree they would happily pay an extra $5 to see which men might be interested. I think I might be on to something. And, forget the bagels and bananas after the race. I want a man who says, “Let’s go get some bacon!” Yep, that’s the one for me!

This fitness category reminds me of the time I had a date with a man I still have a little bit of a crush on. I was doing an evening race. I was meeting him afterwards for pizza, beer, and a foot rub. Somehow, miraculously, I had a personal best that night. The man gives a very, very good foot rub.

Friends/Fix ups?

Ideally, this would be the best case scenario. A friend fixes you up with a mutual friend. There are many advantages. Your friend knows you and knows the guy. Your friend is not going to set you up with a freak or sociopath. Trust and safety are big deals.

Unfortunately, the disadvantages outweigh the few plusses. Often before you can even get home, your friend is texting you with a barrage of questions.

“How’s it going?”

“Do you think he’s cute? Do you think he thinks you are cute?”

“Did he open the door for you? I told him to open the door for you.”

“Is he wearing jeans? I told him NOT to wear jeans.”

It’s all too much— forced to tattle on a man you barely know. The big disadvantage comes when one party likes the other party, but the feeling is not mutual. Then it turns into, “Well, what’s wrong with him? He likes you; why don’t you like him? Ya’ll would be perfect together!!” It often feels like way too many people are involved!! And this situation almost always leads to hurt feelings.

The Search Continues...

So, we single ladies are forced to troll online. On a good day, we wink, we like, and we swipe right. But mostly, it feels like, we do a lot of “block from contact” commands, hiding profiles, and swiping left.

There’s a pop song
out called “Hide Away.”
Where do the good boys go to hide away, hide away? I’m a good, good girl who needs a little company. Looking high and low, someone let me know. Where do the good boys go to hide away, hide away? Got my both eyes out for Mr. Right. Guessing I just don’t know where to find ’em. But I hope they all come out tonight.

Truth is we don’t really care where or how we meet our guy—at the grocery store or the car wash or the finish line of a local 5k.

What’s meant to be will always find a way - no swiping or liking or golden stars required. It’s not always easy, and the path is not always direct, but there’s no stopping love. It’s worth waiting for, and we’re all hoping it’s right around the corner!!!

I just hope I’m not wearing a headband or a sportsband, and I have on a little lip gloss when it happens.

Return to top