The Stripper Bowl
I mean I know I’m pretty self absorbed and don’t always pay attention to details and such, but it seems to me that the last time I checked, the Super Bowl was family oriented football game with awesome commercials that cost a gazillion dollars, and there was always a great halftime show.
This year, I thought it was the Sports Illustrated Fashion Show.
Except the Sports Illustrated girls wear more clothes and don’t dance so... um… suggestively.
Is it just me or was anyone else a teeny-weeny embarrassed when Beyoncé and her Destiny’s Child ladies came out in their lace and leather undies and began gyrating to suggest they were on the third base of the third date? Oh don’t you be coy with me. Every woman reading this knows what I mean here. So do half the guys!
I mean look folks...I’m no prude, and I admire the human body in all its forms and all that stuff.
However... as my sweet mama used to say...“ There is a time and a place for everything…” I sorta think halftime at the Super Bowl, when football fans of all ages and genders gather around the television with friends and family and a boat-load of chicken wings, may not quite be the time for three pretty women to dance around in their under-things and do suggestive dancing that pretty much resembles standing coitus.
Now I know Beyoncé had a point to prove since she caught so much heat from lip-syncing the National Anthem at the inauguration. But it was still her voice. Just not exactly when she should have been singing it. She held a press conference later and actually sang the National Anthem for the reporters. That didn’t really bother me because— seriously— what about politics is ever real? And...it gave me hope that one day, maybe I too can sing the National Anthem for an important event…maybe Beyoncé will let me borrow her CD, and I can just mimic the voice like she did.
But back to the Super Bowl stage...I mean seriously… the half-second of Janet Jackson’s breast exposure in Super Bowl 2004 was nothing, and CBS was fined over half-a-million by the Federal Communications Commission. The fine was appealed and voided, but those folks at the FCC got their knickers in a major twist, and I have yet to talk to anyone who even saw the breast itself. Ms. Jackson said it was a “wardrobe malfunction,” she quickly covered herself with the help of her co-star, Justin Timberlake, things were repaired, and while it warranted a lot of chatter for months afterwards about the “decreasing morality” of America, it is now pretty much a blip on the national radar screen.
But holy cow!
Compared to Beyoncé and Destiny’s Child’s outfits, at least Janet Jackson had a wardrobe to malfunction. These ladies the other night were showing everything but the bare essentials and not only showing it…they were emphasizing it and displaying it and inviting viewers to get an eyeful! At any moment I kept waiting for three brass poles to pop up from the floor because if there was ever a strip show, whooooboy! Those women had it going on.
I know…sex sells and Beyoncé is one hot sexy mama, and people love her music. I think she’s pretty too and man, can she prance around a stage. Talk about stage presence! I just think the ladies would have been just as sexy in a little bit more material. Some of our sexiest national memories are photos of things like Marilyn Monroe when her skirt got blown out from her legs on the street. Or Clark Gable with only a few buttons undone on his shirt. Or even Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr kissing on the beach in “From Here to Eternity.” You never actually saw anything you shouldn’t have. But your imagination went wild.
That, my friends, is sexy.
Having it thrown in your face while gyrating and making lewd movements is not.
That is called stripping. And while that’s an art form in itself, stripping is done in dark clubs with big burly bouncers at the doors.
It’s just not appropriate for a Sunday night of watching football on television.
I’m just saying...