I have a friend who allowed his neighbor’s yardman to “clean up” a hillside behind his backyard. He is now in trouble. The crime was not making sure the two were on the same “weeds versus plants” page.

He told the guy to use his best judgment and then left him alone. When he returned, a carefully prepared hillside designed to keep erosion at a minimum and decorate the rocky space with native plants had been reduced to stubble.

The landscaper was proud, and the neighbor was impressed. My bud’s wife was furious. Her neighbor told her how great the hillside looked now that the weeds had been cut. She had to enlist her native plant coordinator to start over.

Most historians date lawn maintenance back to England before America was a country. Royalty and the super rich had people to take care of such things without worrying about costs and time spent. Common folks didn’t own any land, and no illegal aliens were around to do the maintenance.

In the late 1800s mass production of lawn mowers and, ironically, golf course management brought us most of the products and tools that are used today by men all over America who are working in the yard but would rather be playing golf.

What currently passes as an acceptable front yard is determined by region, attitude, and historical habit. In the South, as is always the case, religion is involved in the process at some level.

Anything shaggy, unkempt, or natural looking has long been considered snaky here in the Bible Belt. And we don’t like anything snaky. The very idea there might be serpents around sends most people into shivers.

The only good one is a dead one and high weeds attract them like lobbyists attract politicians. Snakes got a bad reputation in the Bible, and it hasn’t improved any. That’s why we cut everything that grows down to the nub.

Lawn decoration has evolved over the decades. Just after indoor plumbing became widespread, we started using extra chamber pots as planters and hung them on the front porch. The more artistic cut old tires into decorative shapes, painted them white, and fashioned an HGTV yard in the process. Nowadays, Home Depot and Lowe’s can fix you up with anything you could possibly need to make your yard the envy of the neighborhood. All on credit.

We spend about $17 billion on lawn care products these days and 26 million Americans use a landscaping service. Keeping the grass cut and the sidewalk trimmed is high on the peer pressure meter, just below making sure your kids don’t grow up and marry liberals.

I live in a natural environment. I use a sling blade once or twice a summer, (some call it a Kaiser Blade) cut tree limbs, and keep my mouth shut about what looks snaky.

Other men are likely to invest a lot of time and money keeping the lawn acceptable. It is a badge of respectability and a sure sign of a quality homeowner and responsible neighbor.

Too bad a politician didn’t give Eve that apple. Maybe we wouldn’t spend so much time fooling with grass.