Thirty- something speaks
Forever is a long time...better get some hobbies
Mike Maddock

I consider myself a Christian man. I wasn't always, but these days I go to church, pray a lot (and not just during Clemson football games), and I do my best to live a worthy life. I still slip up occasionally, but from all I've heard I feel pretty good about my chances at the Pearly Gates. However, there's one thing that troubles me. Maybe trouble isn't the correct word to use…

It's Heaven and the life everlasting thing. Trying to answer questions about having the opportunity to experience life everlasting is a good problem to have. I mean it sure beats the alternative…right? But what I'm concerned about, or maybe the better word is confused about, is the forever and ever part of the life everlasting. Let's say I'm fortunate enough to go to Heaven. I meet the Almighty. I find out if Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I see if Jim Morrison is really dead. I get the secret mixture of herbs and spices in the Colonel's fried chicken. And yes….I finally find out about Clay Aiken…

Anyway, I hang out with relatives I haven't seen for a while. Basically, I enjoy all that is Heaven. But then what?

I figure it will take a couple of hours to get all of life's mysteries solved. I can enjoy old friends and relatives for a few years. I'll bet I can love the simple existence and the Heavenly lifestyle for many years, but, as they say, is too much of a good thing too much? What are we supposed to do with all that time?

Of course I'm speaking of all this as someone who has absolutely no earthly idea what he's talking about. I'm not a biblical scholar. In fact, religiously speaking, I'm probably the dumbest person in my Sunday school class, but I'm not sure anyone can call themselves an authority on the afterlife with the possible exception of those who have flatlined in the hospital and returned to tell the tale. Even their knowledge appears to be limited. Most say they saw bright lights and got an overwhelming feeling of peace. That's great, but it still doesn't help me.

Forever and ever is a mighty long time. I guess I should pick up a few more hobbies. Do they have bingo night in Heaven? Does God hand out jobs? That would explain the guardian angel thing, but if Heaven is work, then is it really Heaven?

What if some guy who's annoying on earth dies and joins me in Heaven? He may be a swell enough human being and he's earned his place in Heaven, but if he's an angel who likes the Backstreet Boys and SpongeBob SquarePants,

do I really have to hang out with him for all eternity?

Again, I'm not complaining. I'm just curious and, in fact, I'm not that curious. I'm perfectly willing to wait a good 50 or 60 years to find out the answers to all my questions. Believe me, I've got plenty to do until then.