I learned just about everything I ever needed to know about cabbage patches and stork deliveries in the first grade on a playground. Between games of chase and kickball, and while I was hanging upside down on the monkey bars, my fellow classmates and I imparted wisdom upon each other like we were unlocking the mysteries of some secret society.

There was no Internet in 1976 and cable television was a rarity. Reality TV was Monty Hall opening door number one or Rod Roddy telling someone to, "Come on down!" The only outside sources of information were a Judy Blume book and the occasional episode of Three's Company. We were forced to rely on each other, those with teenage siblings, and the stack of magazines hidden deep in the woods behind a rock in our neighborhood. It was truly a case of the blind leading the blind and information was much harder to come by, but it's sad to say, my educational process was fairly complete by the time I entered the second grade. The book my mom handed me on my tenth birthday confirmed that.

Today, kids are bombarded with information from a gozillion different directions. Information is easier to obtain than chocolate chip ice cream. It's an incredible challenge for parents to keep their children from becoming educated at such a young age. These days the playground is the least of our worries. One innocent click on the Internet and a child can go from researching the American Revolution to something that would make Madonna blush. Even something as innocent as a watching a football game can cause trouble, and I'm not talking about the Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction. One minute C.J. Spiller is racing down the sidelines for an 84- yard touchdown, and I'm cheering with my kids, and the next minute I'm scrambling over my kids to find the remote to turn off the Desperate Housewives commercial.

The trick is no longer finding information like it was in 1976, now it's keeping that information from pelting our kids relentlessly. I'd like to put my children in a bubble that protected them from the outside influences of the world, but that's just not possible.

My wife and I would settle for the opportunity to impart that knowledge on our kids when we think they are ready and, more importantly, when we think we're ready. It's a tough enough decision to take away some of the innocence of a child, and it's even tougher when they figure out such code language as, "Mommy and Daddy have to go upstairs and work on the finances" or "fold laundry." I don't need an 11- year- old banging on the door with questions when I'm folding laundry.

These days it's not even safe to take the kids to church. I gave my poor pastor an earful about a recent sermon he gave concerning romance in a Biblical context, but it turns out his sermon was mild compared to some other preachers around the United States. A pastor in Texas just challenged married members of his church to "fold laundry" for seven straight days. Another pastor in Florida issued a similar 30- day challenge.

While I'm all for such spiritual advice, my kids aren't ready for that. Assuming those Texas and Florida churches had children in the congregation, I can only imagine the chatter on those playgrounds that following Monday.