Last night, I dreamed Amy Matthews, star of Renovations , and Kari Bathroom Byron from Mythbusters were fighting over me. The two cable TV stars were screaming at each other, pulling hair, and throwing things. Kari was cocking the Gatlin gun the Mythbusters use to cut trees down when I sat upright in bed covered in cold sweat. It was horrible. I may be watching too much television.

The television I grew up with only received two channels. We had to go next door to see the Beatles because we didn't get Ed Sullivan. Our TV, with my father's collection of antenna wire, coat hangers, and aluminum foil, was impressive, but not very receptive.

Today, we have hundreds of stations, hi def, Tivo, and remote control. We still have nights where TV is unappealing. As choices have improved, quality has declined. Few network executives are willing to try new stuff or spend money on quality programming.

Currently, the trend is toward reality television. Anyone who thinks they are able to sing, dance, tell jokes, or live with other idiots, has a place to demonstrate their talent, greed, or willingness to embarrass themselves. The primary product is squirm inducing for viewers, but we watch anyway.

Manly reality shows are the latest craze. Deadliest Catch , Ax Men , and Ice Road feature men sweating, getting dirty, and laughing in the face of death. Most are manly in a benign kind of way, but at least they aren't shopping for fabric.

say a lot about entrepreneurship and our gullibility: Ghosthuntaersnd Monstervision . Each one offers experts investigating questions we tussle with our entire lives - important questions. Are there ghosts, and does Bigfoot really exist?

Ghosthunters features two guys who used to work for Roto- Rooter. I'm not sure how this qualifies them for hunting spiritual beings, but why quibble over details. They hired a couple of other guys, bought some electronic surveillance equipment, then waited for suckers; I mean clients.

In each episode, the ghost hunters arrive at a location in black SUVs, wearing tee shirts and jackets featuring their logo. The techs set up infrared cameras, sound equipment, and temperature gauges, then turn off the lights and wander around the premises asking the spirits to expose themselves. After a couple of hours, they break everything down, go home and analyze the findings. A few days later, they come back and tell the residents there were no ghosts.

Monstervision features interviews with eye witnesses who have seen a bigfoot, giant hog, prehistoric bird, or dog killing mutant. The experts give their opinions, then place cameras in the woods to reveal what the locals are seeing. They never find anything, either.

I'm of the opinion that if there were ghosts or giant dog killing mutants around, CNN would already have found them. But someone is convinced they exist, and someone is making money off the idea.

We have been chasing spirits and weird creatures since intelligently designed cavemen roamed the Earth, and no one has ever discovered any credible evidence. You'd think we would know better. Maybe I'm just jealous because I didn't recognize a marketing opportunity.