Listen my children and you shall hear A saga of travel, excitement, and fear. A tale of a seasoned traveler who stumbled And a myth of persistent claims which crumbled. The tourist is Jackie, an organized female With legendary attention to detail. She dots the i's and remembers the faces; Keeps up with the maps, the dates, and the places. A festive birthday in France will be great; Where better than Paris to celebrate? The family will gather to toast the affair As soon as all are assembled there. One suitcase, on wheels, and tote- bag in hand, She blithely sets forth for overseas land. Arrangements are made for the shuttle- bus seat, Hotels, plane tickets, and schedules complete. Columbia to Newark, a shuttle to JFK , Approaching the end of an ideal day, Air France and Delta have things well in hand, But wait: A detail they don't understand. "This passport: do you have an extension?" "Well, No." I'm not sure I have comprehension. Somehow, the unthinkable has transpired; This 10- year- old passport has EXPIRED. Guess what? If this paper is not up to date You're not going anywhere, early or late. Faster than tout de suite, I'm off the plane Alone and forlorn, and facing the pain. There are ways to beat it, you just have to learn How to arrange it, and where to turn. # 1 Delta : "We'll bring you your bag, Wait at the service desk; there'll be a slight lag." #2 Delta: "There's a passport office downtown, "They'll fix up a new one if you go around." "You'll have to start early, be first one in line, A new passport can be yours and things will be fine." #1 Air France: "You'll need a seat for tomorrow night, It's already overbooked, but we'll get you on that flight." So far so good, but I must make a call, Get out the news, I'm not on this plane after all. #3 Delta: "Just tell me the number, I'll put the call through," And two minutes later, that's what I can do. Retrieved bag in hand - (now how did they do it?) I'm headed downstairs, continuing to pursue it. A hotel room's needed, I must make the change, As close to the Passport Office as I can arrange. Now figure: how to manage a trip into town? Oh look! There's a desk called "Transportation: Ground!" I make my way to Ground Transportation It seems there's a shuttle just leaving the station. Two hours later, I find the hotel The coffee shop's open, so all is well. A tired cook at the end of his shift, Displays understanding, and gives me a lift. A quickie omelet fills a need, The hotel bed is welcome indeed. Reality arrives along with the dawn, There's no time to waste if I'm to go on. 7:30 am., I'm first at the gate At Passport Office, no time to be late. They set a time for my return With PHOTO in hand!!??? Now how is THAT done? The passport folks have done this before, "Get your picture made at the café next door." Along with the photo, I welcome some lunch, As I wait for the schedule to move into Crunch. Back to PO, for papers to sign At last! An agent whose time will be mine. "We can have this for you by four today." But I have to protest: "Hey, "You have to do better than that. I'm due at the airport at 4 o'clock flat!" With a smile and a wink, he nods his assent, "I'll walk it through for you, just give me a minute." The minutes are 90, time is slipping away. By 2 pm, passport is in hand - hooray! The next-door café seems a good place to say, "Is there an easy way to get to JFK?" The guffaw is hearty; the answer is "NO!" A cab is the only way to go. Forty bucks later, I'm at JFK Delta remembers my stressful day. "Another phone call?" they quickly say, Report to my family: "I'm on my way." I'm boarding the plane, passport a- waving, When Delta announces significant saving: "This plane's overbooked. Here's an offer that's fair: Six hundred dollars, and a ticket anywhere! All you have to do is get off this flight, And agree to travel tomorrow night." Temptation indeed!, that I won't give in to… Those waiting in Paris might take a dim view Of my volunteering to step aside, After what I went through to get this ride.

THE HAPPY ENDING:

Happy landings in Paris; "Bonjour: that's Good Day!" Our family vacation is at last under way.