The only thing bad about vacations is eventually they have to come to an end, otherwise how would you pay for them? Please forgive me if the tone of this article is a bit melancholy, but it's Sunday night and I just got back from an incredibly relaxing and genuinely fun- filled week at the beach with the wife and kids. I am completely dreading getting up early tomorrow and returning to work.

I'm supposed to be building sandcastles and sending my kid all the way onto the beach on a boogie board and a big wave. I can't sit in front of a computer all day again when I should be sucking down a cold one on the back porch letting the surf sing me to sleep. But I suppose all good things must come to an end.

I did come away from the beach with a couple of observations and maybe a lesson or two.

For starters, due to the fact we were on vacation, and I was around to entertain our three young children much more than usual, my wife found herself with a little more free time. She decided to fill her new- found freedom by reading several novels written by female authors. It sounds innocent enough, but these authors happened to be very bitter, angry women completely disgusted with the male species. These books were loaded with tales of female woe and the pain inflicted on them by…you guessed it…men. No good, heartless, philandering, drunken, abusive, stinky men. I was feeling the love of the salt air, and my wife was feeling the pain of these poor (fictional, as I kept reminding her) women. I'd go for a little romantic kiss, and she'd punch me in the stomach.

Angry female novels aside, I did have trouble defending my brethren, mostly because there were not many around. Apparently, I didn't get the memo that states husbands of small children need not come to the beach with their families.

I saw plenty of young mothers and their children, but not many daddies to speak of. I grew up as a beach person, and I never miss an opportunity to twinkle my toes in the surf, but from the looks of things, the beach is something many men give up post marriage.

Plenty of boyfriends were on the beach, but no husbands. I guess it's only fair. I have first- hand knowledge that women quit doing certain things once a wedding ring is in place. My wife hasn't given me a backrub since I proposed to her 12 years ago. I keep threatening to find a nice little 18- year- old hotty with long nails, but I'm afraid my wife would just write a book about it. Maybe all those husbandless women are just getting material for the next man- hating novel my wife can't wait to read.

Despite the man hating propaganda my wife filled her week with, she did notice the absentee husbands which got me off the hook a little. My mere presence was enough to make up for the fact that I was…well, a man.

I still plan to mysteriously misplace her current stash of literary man- bashing material and any future material that finds its way within her grasp.