Getting gorgeous is a lot more complicated than women think, especially if you suffer from undue stress. I felt betrayed by my best friend, Deeva, when I found out that she kept her facelift a secret from me. Why didn’t she confide in me? I had been planning on telling her about mine after it was done. Since stress was harmful for my face, nails, and hair, I decided to forgive Deeva. I just wouldn’t tell her about my face lift until she tells me about hers.

I decided to leave my mental attitude in the hands of my hairdresser. “Sheeva, dah–ling,” Philip said to me as he examined my locks. “We can best banish the gray by taking it to the sheerest shade of blonde. Are you prepared to commit to the lifestyle of a platinum blonde?”

“Tell me about it, Philip, you already know that I am a high maintenance woman.”

“Blondes,” he said as he began snipping at my frizzy head of hair, “are high–profile. People will admire your mane that looks kissed by the sun. However, you must say good–bye to your garden truck that you drive around the neighborhood. It’s not a blonde thing. Also, blondes can’t be caught dead without their make–up. Whether you liked her or not, you must walk in the footsteps of Marilyn Monroe or Jean Harlow.”

I could walk in Marilyn Monroe’s footsteps, except for the Kennedy birthday song and the suicide thing.

The only obstacle is giving up my little garden truck. My dog, Spot, loves to ride in it because it’s the only vehicle I allow him to ride in. It’s the truck I drive to sneak into the Dairy Queen.

I gave Phillip the go-ahead and closed my eyes as his assistant passed him the aluminum foil, cotton, three shades of hair coloring, blonde hair extensions, sixteen paintbrushes, and a bloody Mary.

The day that I turned blonde was something else. I had to call a cab because Phillip would not let me drive home in the garden truck. When I arrived home, Spot barked and jumped on my legs, ripping my Christian Dior hosiery. After a lot of sniffing, he whined and went to his bed.

I checked the phone messages on my machine. Deeva had called to welcome me home from my vacation. Boy, was she in for a surprise!

Is Sheeva going platinum?