All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in–flight safety lecture and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

• “This is a non–smoking flight. Anyone caught smoking in the washroom or anywhere else while in–flight will be asked to leave the airplane immediately.”

• “Thank you for flying Westjet. I hope our airline has met your expectations. If not, you definitely should lower your expectations before flying with us again.” • On a Continental flight with a very senior flight attendant crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”

• On landing the stewardess said, “Please be sure to take all your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.”

• “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of this airplane.”

• “Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”

• As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: “Whoa, big fella. Whoa!”

• After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: “Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.”

• From a Southwest Airlines employee.... “Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt, and if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.”

• “In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child...pick your favorite.”