Both parties are able to choose their level of involvement. In a semi– open adoption, the birth mother may choose to meet the family only once and see them at the hospital. Whereas, in a fully open adoption, there can be follow–up pictures, letters, and even visits.

This process before finalization of the adoption is fairly extensive. The adoptive parents have to be thoroughly evaluated by an adoption certified social worker. April Counterman, an adoption attorney in Chester, does not require that a prospective family have completed a home study before beginning the search for a birth mother. “They can be in the process, but it is only required once they believe they have found a prospective birth mother,” she said.

The home studies can be done through independent social workers who charge $250 and over for the minimum one to two week study. “These studies are very comprehensive,” Counterman said. “They can include background checks, several interviews, home visits, employment checks, reference interviews, and criminal background checks.”

The social workers then present their final reports to the adoption attorney who submits them to the courts. After the child has been placed, a post– placement evaluation is made. There is at least one update to report on the adjustment of the parents and child.

After the child is born, it takes three or four months for the adoption to be finalized by the courts.

Adoption attorneys, such as Meding and Counterman, try to make the open adoption process as comprehensive as possible. That is why Meding works with adoption paralegal Melanie Chastain, who is on call 24 hours a day to support potential families and birth mothers. “I do all the errand running and scheduling of doctor’s appointments” Chastain said. “We also connect the mothers and families with private counselors, and we have physicians we recommend who have experience in dealing with open adoptions.”

A physician who is familiar with the open adoption process and compassionate toward the situation can make a huge difference. “These mothers know that when they go to the doctor no one is ridiculing them for their decision,” Chastain said.

Open adoption is becoming more popular as the word spreads that domestic open adoption is not something to be feared.

“Many people are uneasy about the idea of open adoption,” Meding said. “Some still believe domestic adoption is risky because they fear the birth mother may try to come back and take the child.” Meding insists it is very hard for a birth mother to get a child back once she has signed the official consent and relinquishment document, which is generally presented at the hospital.

In some states, the birth mother has seven days to make her final decision on placing her child, but in SC no such option exists.

“Many prospective parents may be uneasy at first,” Chastain said. “But once they meet the birth mother, they often want to support her.” Having been on the personal side of open adoption, Chastain can understand the uneasiness, but has seen first hand the benefits of giving the child as much information as he can handle at the appropriate age.

Chastain admires the courage of birth mothers and adoptive parents who choose open adoption. “They are putting their feelings aside and focusing on what is best for the child,” she said. “Sometimes being the best parent is knowing when you can’t parent.”