* Name have been changed

to protect privacy

Adoption has changed since Kate*’s mom took her to the Children’s Bureau of SC 27 years ago. She was 15 years old and an unwed mother. After a brief consultation, Kate was sent to a home in Charlotte where she spent the rest of her pregnancy with many other women who were also planning to place their babies in new homes.

“They told me when he was 18 they would give me information,” Kate said. She never received information about her son because the Children’s Bureau of SC closed and transferred all its records to the Department of Social Services.

DSS refused to honor that promise and instead gave her a minimal amount of unidentifying information. The only way she will probably ever find him is if he goes to DSS and requests the information.

“Not knowing has bothered me from day one,” Kate said. “It was so hush, hush, so secretive. You just want to know if the child is safe and alive.” She contemplated expanding her search through private detectives or location services but, with only a date of birth, it is next to impossible. Even if she were to find him, his adoptive parents may never have told him he was adopted, or he might not want to meet her.

Years later, when Kate found out she was unable to have anymore children, she was heartbroken. “I was so depressed,” she said. “I wouldn’t leave the house, I wouldn’t go to work.” Kate and her husband searched out every form of adoption, until they came across Melanie Chastain in the phone book. Chastain encouraged her and her husband to attend a workshop for adoptive parents, where they learned about open adoption.

“My husband was hesitant at first but after attending a support group and seeing other children and parents, he opened up to the idea,” Kate said. A birth mother chose them after less than a year with Chastain.

Kate kept in close contact with the birth mother throughout her pregnancy, going to all the doctor’s appointments and even taking her out. “One night we were all at a movie, and our birth mother was seated between us,” she said. “During the movie she felt the baby kick and reached over and put my husband’s hand on her belly. That was something she didn’t have to do, but it was such a special experience for him.”

Kate has always been very honest with her son about his adoption. She likes knowing who his birth mother is if a time comes when he wants to know more. His birth mother will not have to face the anxiety as Kate, wondering if he was safe and happy. Kate’s birth mother does not visit, but Kate sends her pictures and letters.

“I will encourage my son to meet his birth mother one day,” Kate* said. “If he wants to know anything; I can tell him because I will always stay in touch with her. She has given us the greatest thing that we couldn’t have ourselves.”