Open doors

Of the many misconceptions associated with adoption, one is the adoptive parents and especially the child should not have a relationship with the birth mother.

“I don’t want my happiness based on the birth mother’s grief,” said Melanie Chastain, a freelance adoption paralegal and adoptive mother. “I’d rather have my birth mother know how my son is doing.”

Open adoption, a process by which a relationship is formed between the birth mother and adoptive parents, has been around for over 20 years, but it is still widely unknown.

Chastain is a strong advocate of open adoption. She adopted her son, Tyler, through open adoption in 1993. “The children have a complete birth story, not a ‘how I was got’ story,” said Chastain.

Chastain has participated in over 300 open adoptions in the 11 years she has worked as an adoption paralegal. She said the choice to place a child in a new home is “a very hard decision, period.” However, open adoption, in many cases of unplanned pregnancy, can make that choice easier on both the birth mother and the adoptive parents.

The open adoption process often begins with an adoption attorney. Paul Meding, a Columbia attorney who has been taking adoption cases for 12 years, works as a medium to match birth mothers with adoptive parents. Both parties contact Meding and prepare lists of criteria. “The adoptive parents will create scrapbooks to tell the story of their family,” Meding said.

Birth mothers come to his office and look over the books and papers in order to find possible matches. Eventually, Meding will arrange a meeting with prospective parents and the birth mother.

For Meding, this process has been successful. “In my opinion, when the birth mother has more input and can see first hand how important the adoption is to the family, it is more difficult for her to back out and disappoint them.”

The adoptive parents and birth mothers stay in contact throughout the pregnancy. The adoptive parents are present at the hospital when the birth mother gives birth. Some adoptive parents are even invited by the birth mother to be in the delivery room.