Mike Cox One night in 1995, a smart aleck expressed surprise when I mentioned I was from Alabama. She said she wouldn’t admit such a thing. I told her no one could help where they were from and shouldn’t be ashamed, regardless of the location.

A few minutes later, she introduced me to someone by saying, “This is Mike. He’s from Alabama and can’t hepp it.” Anyone from Michigan who has lived in SC for most of her life and still can’t say Paw Paw, shouldn’t ridicule the way others talk.

For many years, my home state has been the butt of jokes. I consider it regional bias and usually brush off such comments. Considering the track record of other places, I’m quite proud of my birthplace.

SC elected Strom Thurmond to several terms after he passed away and stubbornly kept liquor in mini–bottles until everyone else had stopped the practice. Georgia banned Ray Charles from performing there.

Tennessee had the Scopes trial and keeps Phil Fulmer employed. Mississippi gave us Trent Lott and William Faulkner. Arkansas is the home of Wal–Mart, and Kentucky is the land of family trees with no branches.

Texas has a legislator currently trying to ban state funds from schools whose cheerleaders shake their butts. (I thought that’s what cheerleaders were supposed to do.)

Florida, California, and New York have lifetime achievement awards in the Idiots’ Hall of Fame, and people in every state which has more than four days in a row below freezing can plead insanity just for staying there each winter.

Mike Tyson, Michael Jackson, Tanya Harding, Eric Rudolph, John Wayne Gacy, Barry Bonds, Diana Ross, John Wilkes Boothe, Lester Maddox, Newt Gingrich, Donald Trump, Osama Bin Laden, O. J. Simpson, Jessica Simpson, and Ashlee Simpson are all from somewhere other than my home state.

Hank Aaron, Willie Mays, Jimmy Buffett, George Washington Carver, Hank Williams, Nat “King” Cole, Lionel Hampton, Helen Keller, Rosa Parks, W. C. Handy, Joe Louis, and Courtney Cox were born in Alabama.

Stupid people make news in every corner of the world, but when it happens in certain places, like Alabama, people nod knowingly and smile. You can almost hear them saying, “Bless their hearts.”

Last week, one of those moments became public. A professional baseball player, relaxing too much after a spring training game, was pulled over by a Sarasota, FL. police officer for driving erratically.

According to the incident report, Deputy D. B. Shirley observed Eric DuBose, a pitcher for the Baltimore Orioles, swerving into another lane. Shirley, who was on foot patrol, contacted another officer, who pulled DuBose over.

Deputy David Clark said the Orioles’ pitcher had bleary eyes, slurred speech, and an “odor of alcoholic beverage.” The officer decided to make the perpetrator perform a field sobriety test.

When it came time to recite the alphabet backwards, Mr. Dubose had trouble. He told Deputy Clark the alphabet was different in Alabama. Everybody say it together.

Bless his heart.