SCPA Award–Winning ColumnistsThirty–something speaksGod given talents can annoy

We are all born with certain inalienable rights endowed by our creator, but I believe we were all born with certain talents as well. Take babies for instance. It seems all children are born with the ability to shatter glass or at least shock us out of the deepest of slumbers, with their vocal cords.

Babies are also blessed with the ability to create massive amounts of sub–human, fragrantly toxic solids from nothing more than flavored water in little bottles. The wonders don’t cease there though.

Mike Maddock As I watch my children grow, I’ve come to realize there are certain talents, much like singing or dancing, children are just born with.

Since birth, my children have been able to determine which foods are healthy and which are not. They don’t have to taste the food or even smell it. They just instinctually know healthy food is not going to taste good. So they don’t touch it, much less eat it. I could sit a perfectly innocent looking helping of green beans next to a greasy, pitiful chicken McNugget, and my kids would choose the McNugget every time.

My children don’t care what a McNugget is or where it came from, they just know it’s going to taste better than anything green. It often makes me wonder if all this green food is so healthy then why does God give kids this sixth sense to avoid it at all costs?

I’ve also wondered how kids can sing, “Nah nah, nah nah, boo, boo!” without ever hearing a single piece of music remotely resembling this tune. I understand the Happy Birthday song or maybe even Stairway to Heaven as many times as it has been played on the radio, but “Nah nah, nah, nah, boo, boo”? It just doesn’t make any sense.

In the same vein, kids can put tattle telling to a very familiar and inbred musical tune. Casey Kasem never promoted it on American Top 40 , and it’s difficult to translate to paper, but we’ve all heard it.

“Daaaaddy, she took my Baaarbie!” I know I haven’t sung those notes, at least not since I was in the second grade, so how do they know? Where does this talent come from? I suspect it’s from the same strand of DNA that gives them the ability to turn two syllable words into soliloquizes. I used to think the word was simply “mommy”, but my kids can make it last a lot longer than that.

“Maaaahhhhhhh-aaaahhhh-mmm-eeee-eeeee!!!”

While I can wish and hope for other God– given talents like genius or athleticism, I’m afraid I can only count on the ones that allow my kids to ask incredibly confusing and strangely rhetorical questions like, “If Santa wears a red suit, then why do reindeers eat marshmallows?”

Uh...I don’t know. But I do know I am glad for some of these talents. God has seen fit to bless my son with the ability to tell the difference between Barbie and Buzz Lightyear without much coaxing from his old man. Barbie does come with many enticing accessories, but they never seem to hold my son’s attention like Buzz’s laser beam. That’s a good thing.

God–given talents are strange phenomena. Some can make us millions of dollars in the NBA and some can just make us annoying. I guess it all depends on what we do with them. As for me, I haven’t yet found a constructive use for “nah nah, nah nah, boo, boo” so I’ll throw my kids a basketball and hope for the best.