Mike Cox When my youngest was eight, he was a trouble–maker. Big for his age, hard–headed, and not afraid to defend his position, his altercations frequently brought upset parents to the door. If he were wrong, he would be forced to apologize, then punished. Sometimes, it made a difference.

A particular woman in our neighborhood had problems with everyone. Her kids were combative, arrogant, and stayed segregated from the rest of the kids. When one of my older sons had a disagreement with one of her children, I went to see her, as I usually did, to try to broker a peace accord.

Kids are usually better off left alone to solve problems, but when violence is eminent, someone needs to help out a little. She refused to see me. A few weeks later her eight–year–old and mine got into a shoving match.

She appeared at my door before I knew of the incident and threatened me with a profanity–laced tirade. I slammed the door in her face. It wasn’t the first time she had exploded on someone in the neighborhood.

When I learned the entire story from my son, I sent him to apologize. He was screamed at and sent home crying. A few nights later, the juvenile division of the local police department knocked on my door.

The officers were very nice and wanted to ask a few questions but felt it would be smart if they read the Miranda rights to my son first. He had no idea what the words meant but knew he was in some kind of trouble. I held him in my arms and could feel him shaking uncontrollably.

The officers got answers to their questions and decided the neighbor’s story was a little devoid of facts. It wasn’t the end of my battles with her, but this incident was closed.

All of this came to mind when I read last week where an eight– year–old was handcuffed and arrested in Tallahassee for getting into a fight with a ten–year–old. The older boy’s mother called the police. They considered it serious enough to arrest the first grader, so he was roughed, cuffed, and carried to jail.

North Florida has seen this before. In neighboring Jefferson County, a boy was arrested for fighting another student, hitting a teacher, and scratching a police officer. He was seven.

In my parents’ eyes, raising children was not only a responsibility for them, but to their children and the community their children would inhabit as adults. We learned respect, humility, and the ability to share the space around us with other people. I tried to raise my kids the same way. None of the three seems to suffer from a lack of self esteem.

Today’s children are raised as if they are somehow special. Their needs surpass anyone else’s. It’s as if each child is being nurtured for some position of royalty.

That’s fine as long as only one is being led to believe this. But what happens when an entire generation grows up and thinks the world owes them something, and they aren’t responsible for their actions? I think we are living with that today.

Maybe the most important skill young children learn is how to play well with others. It gives them a base for adulthood when living as a member of society. Kids need guidelines, love, and constant support. They don’t need fake self–esteem, a distorted sense of self–worth, or a policeman settling all their disputes.

If you and your preteen can’t solve problems without getting the authorities involved, how is he going to function when he’s on his own? Will he become the neighbor who calls the police every time there’s a disagreement?